…. and re-think how I think of things happening.
It´s easy to sometimes fall into a negative way of thinking without realizing it and then when thinking negative start to question yourself, your life and what you can or can't do..
I am a positive person but sometimes I do dwell over things and now I´ve been in a state where I´ve been negative for some weeks and yesterday after a hard wod I, by an accident, found myself in a yoga class for the first time in years. I normally am to "stressed" to do yoga and such calmer things and prefer to do more hard active sports, but I decided I wanted to try it.
the class was great and then when we started to lie down for the relaxation and letting go of the tension and the coach played a song that chanted: Life is magnificent - hallelujah and so on with such lovely voices I felt how my muscles around my eyes and in my face started to get "tics" and jump around and I felt how STRESSED I am!
In that moment, a feeling of sadness came over me and I felt that: "now I´m gonna start to cry and can't stop!"
But I said to my inner self that it was ok to let the feelings come and that I needed them so I only had some tears falling during the relaxation and then afterwards I went home and put on the music from Buddha bar, jumped in to the bath tub surrounded with lit candles and in the water I talked to myself. I said to myself:
"- Dear Anette, its time to stop chasing around and try to do EVERYTHING at the same time. Its time to do one thing at a time and focus on that. Not do many things half-hearted but one thing and go in for it. And let go of the high demands to yourself. Let go of the feelings of being a loser at some things in life. YOU are not a loser, we all make mistakes but we learn from them. Move on, one step at a time and let the past go. AND start to do yoga every week, read good books about a positive life and embrace LOVE from the ones that love you. And don't give a fuck of the ones not loving you, let them go!"
So here I am:
Starting a new way of living and thinking again. 2015 will be the year when I think of who I am, what I want more carefully and not jump on every single thing that comes to me.
As I said to my mum some days ago:
I guess I will learn - eventually=)
Like a tree I grow and learn through life…
Love and hugs!